OKAY, I NEED TO SAY SOMETHING,
AND THIS IS REALLY HARD.
YOU KNOW, IN SITUATIONS LIKE THESE,
IT'S... IT'S BEST TO JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATH
AND SAY IT.
GRIMALDI'S PIZZA
IS SLIGHTLY SUPERIOR TO LOMBARDI'S.
YOU WIN.
NEVER CHALLENGE ME WHEN IT COMES TO PIZZA,
'CAUSE YOU WILL ALWAYS LOSE.
MY DOLLAR, PLEASE. (sighs)
WHAT'S THIS?
OPEN IT AND SEE.
(chimes) IT'S A HAIR CLIP.
MATT.
I SAW IT, AND I THOUGHT OF YOU. "BEE" FOR BETTY.
UH, THE STONES AREN'T REAL OR ANYTHING.
I MEAN, NO, THEY'RE REAL. THEY'RE JUST NOT--YOU KNOW. IT'S BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE IT.
I WANTED TO GET YOU SOMETHING IN HONOR OF OUR MONTHIVERSARY.
HAS IT BEEN A MONTH ALREADY?
YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BRING ME BACK TO QUEENS.
WELL, THAT'S WHERE MY QUEEN LIVES.
AH! OH!
DAD!
(grunts) (Ignacio) I'M SO SORRY!
I-I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU TWO WERE... OUT HERE.
HI, MATT. HELLO, MR. SUAREZ.
YEAH, I WAS ON MY WAY TO THE PANNEBIANCOS,
SEE IF I COULD BORROW THEIR COOLER TO GO ON THIS TRIP.
I MADE THEM SUGAR COOKIES. OH, WHAT TRIP?
MY DAD IS TAKING JUSTIN TO A CABIN IN THE POCONOS
WITH ELENA AND HER NEPHEWS. OH, WELL, THAT SHOULD BE COOL.
YEAH, "COOL."
OH, UH, OKAY. UM, I'LL SEE YOU KIDS LATER.
SORRY.
NO, IT'S OKAY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WALK ME ALL THE WAY IN.
OH, WHAT CAN I SAY? I'M A NICE GUY.
HEY, I HAD FUN TONIGHT. OH, ME, TOO.
UH... (laughs) OH. (laughs)
THANK YOU. THANKS FOR DINNER. IT WAS... OH, YOU'RE WELCOME.
IT WAS DELICIOUS. OKAY. YEAH. OH. OKAY. OHH!
(grunts) OH!
PAPI! OH, NO. I'M SO SORRY.
IT'S OKAY. I HAVE A HARD HEAD. HOW YOU DOING, MR. SUAREZ?
GOOD, GOOD. HOW ARE YOU, COUNCILMAN?
I'M GOOD. GOOD. GOOD.
(laughs) WELL, I-I GUESS I SHOULD BE GETTING HOME.
I'LL--I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW, HILDA, OKAY? OKAY. OH, OKAY.
GOOD NIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
BYE FOR NOW! (chuckles)
SO ANOTHER DATE, HUH?
THINGS ARE GOING GOOD BETWEEN YOU GUYS?
I GUESS.
HILDA, HOW WAS YOUR DATE?
YOU GUESS? WHY AREN'T YOU MORE ENTHUSIASTIC?
ARCHIE IS A GREAT GUY.
I KNOW, PAPI, OKAY?
I LIKE HIM. I'M JUST NOT SURE IF I LIKE HIM YET.
HILDA, THAT'S LIKE SAYING YOU'RE NOT SURE YOU LIKE SIRLOIN STEAK.
IT'S CRAZY.
MOM, DO I REALLY HAVE TO GO CAMPING WITH GRANDPA AND ELENA?
YES. ELENA'S NEPHEWS ARE DYING TO MEET YOU.
AND THEY PLANNED THE WHOLE THING WITH YOU IN MIND.
IF THEY'D PLANNED IT WITH ME IN MIND,
IT'D BE AT A SPA WITH MUD BATHS AND GINGER FACIALS.
YOU'RE GOING. THERE'LL BE PLENTY OF MUD.
(sighs) (liquid bubbling)
(woman) AND MOSTLY SUNNY HIGHS IN THE LOWER 40s...
(sighs)
(Connor) ♪ YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE ♪
♪ MY ONLY SUNSHINE ♪
♪ YOU MAKE ME HAPPY ♪
♪ WHEN SKIES ARE GRAY ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, DEAR ♪
CONNOR?
♪ HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU ♪
♪ PLEASE DON'T TAKE ♪
♪ MY SUNSHINE AWAY ♪
CONNOR?
(gasps)
(William fussing)
OKAY, GUYS. WITH "MODE'S" FIRST-EVER SEX ISSUE
ON THE STAND IN JUST THREE DAYS,
IT MAY SEEM LIKE THE HARD WORK'S OVER, BUT IT'S NOT.
IN ORDER TO GET NEW ADVERTISERS AND KEEP THE OLD ONES,
WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE OUR OVERNIGHT NUMBERS KILL.
THAT MEANS USING EVERY RESOURCE WE CAN
TO GET PEOPLE TALKING, YOU KNOW, FIRE THEM UP.
OH, DANIEL, WE COULD DO A TIE-IN WITH ModeNY.com. BRING IT.
GREAT. SEE, THAT'S AN AWESOME IDEA.
I THINK YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS ISSUE IS--
(yawning)
OH. PARDON ME. I... I HAD A LATE NIGHT.
(whispers) HERE'S A LITTLE MORE COFFEE FOR YOU. (mouths words)
ALL RIGHT. YOU ALL KNOW WHAT TO DO. LET'S GET TO IT.
(staff murmuring indistinctly)
(clears throat) OKAY, YOU ARE GOING TO LAUGH.
I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH THE OLSEN TWINS.
APPARENTLY, THEY FEEL "JUST AWFUL"
THAT THEY DIDN'T INCLUDE YOU IN THEIR BIG "INFLUENCE"
COFFEE-TABLE BOOK.
SO THEY WOULD LOVE IT IF YOU WOULD BE A PART
OF THEIR NEXT BOOK-- "MORE INFLUENCE."
WILLIE?
OH, MY GOD!
SHE'S DEAD!
OHH! STOP YOUR SHRIEKING, MARC.
I WAS JUST TAKING A NAP.
OH. BUT YOUR EYES WERE... OOH!
I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN WEEKS.
I JUST LIE AWAKE ALL NIGHT, FEELING SO... TENSE.
WELL, NATURALLY.
LOOK AT YOUR DESK. IT'S A MESS. LOOK.
MAYBE SOMETHING ELSE IS ON YOUR MIND?
YES. GETTING A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP IS ON MY MIND.
I CAN'T EVEN TAKE A SLEEPING PILL
BECAUSE OF THAT DAMN BABY.
MARC... I NEED HELP.
OF COURSE YOU DO.
AND I AM HERE FOR YOU.
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? (gags)
(gulps) I MEANT I NEED YOU TO HIRE A NIGHT NANNY.
OH. OKAY, WELL, I'LL GET RIGHT ON IT.
BUT, WILLIE,
THERE MAY BE SOME OTHER "NIGHT NEEDS"
THAT AREN'T BEING MET?
WILLIE?
OH. THAT IS SO WEIRD.
HEY, BETTY, ABOUT OUR WEB THING,
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT
"FUN SEX VERSUS BORING RELATIONSHIP SEX"?
YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT ALL THE BORING THINGS
YOU DO WITH WHAT'S-HIS-NAME. MATT.
WHATEVER. AND I CAN WRITE ABOUT ALL THE FUN THINGS
I'M GONNA DO WITH WHATEVER GUY I MEET TONIGHT.
HOW ABOUT "THE MODERN DAY MATING RITUALS"?
YOU KNOW, SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS PERSONAL.
OOH, YOU SLUT! WHY, WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?
MATT'S INTO KINK, ISN'T HE? IS HE A LEATHER PIG?
DOES HE LIKE ICE CUBING? ICE WHAT?
CUBING. NO! MATT IS INTO NORMAL THINGS, I THINK.
(gasps) OH, MY GOD.
ARE YOU ACTUALLY SAYING THAT YOU HAVEN'T TAPPED THAT YET?
NO, BUT WE'RE DEFINITELY HEADED IN THAT DIRECTION.
WE JUST HAVEN'T GOTTEN THERE YET.
THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
BUT, BETTY, YOU HAVE BEEN DATING FOR, LIKE, A YEAR. A MONTH.
EXACTLY, AND HE'S A BILLIONAIRE,
AND FOR SOME REASON, HE SEEMS TO BE INTO YOU.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
MM.
(chimes)
BETTY, ARE YOU WEARING LIP GLOSS?
MAYBE.
WHOO! WHAT'S THE SPECIAL OCCASION?
MATT AND I HAVE A DATE,
AND I WAS KIND OF HOPING TONIGHT WOULD BE THE NIGHT.
HOPING? IF YOU'RE READY, JUST TELL HIM.
WELL, IT'S NOT THAT EASY.
I MEAN, I'VE NEVER HAD TO DO THAT BEFORE.
WITH HENRY AND WALTER, IT JUST KIND OF HAPPENED.
OH, YEAH. WELL, SOME GUYS NEED MORE OF A PUSH.
LET ME SEE YOUR BRA. STOP!
WHAT?
AY, PAPI, JEEZ! YOU'RE GOING CAMPING FOR TWO DAYS,
NOT TWO WEEKS.
I KNOW. HE CAN BRING SIX CANS OF BUG SPRAY,
BUT I CAN'T BRING A BLOW DRYER. THERE'S NO ELECTRICITY.
OH, DEAR GOD. HEY, WE HIT THE ROAD AT 5:00 A.M.
YOU GIRLS UP FOR AN EARLY BREAKFAST? WELL, I KNOW I'LL BE THERE.
I HAVE A DATE WITH ARCHIE, SO I SHOULD BE IN BED BY 9:00.
(chuckles) GOOD. HOW ABOUT YOU, BETTY?
ACTUALLY, UM, I...
UH, MATT AND I ARE GONNA HAVE A LATE DINNER.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'LL JUST COME IN AND GIVE YOU A LITTLE KISS BEFORE WE LEAVE. AW.
UH, PAPI, I THINK I'M GONNA STAY IN THE CITY TONIGHT,
YOU KNOW, G-GET SOME WORK ON MY WEB ARTICLE DONE.
HOW CAN YOU STAY IN THE CITY?
YOU DON'T HAVE A PLACE THERE ANYMORE. JEEZ, PAPI! SHE'S SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH HER BOYFRIEND.
EVEN I KNEW THAT. SHE'S WEARING LIP GLOSS.
OKAY, UM... I'LL JUST SEE YOU WHEN I SEE YOU.
BYE.
(laughs) SHUT UP!
(Hilda) HAVE FUN!
(Justin) MM. BYE.
HEY, DANIEL, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME DOING A POETRY SLAM?
(laughs)
OH, YOU'RE SERIOUS?
YEAH, I'VE BEEN WRITING POETRY FOR YEARS,
AND I NEVER HAD THE NERVE TO PERFORM ANY OF IT,
AND IT'S SOMETHING I KIND OF ALWAYS WANTED TO DO.
THEN, UH, YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY DO THAT. YOU DON'T THINK IT SOUNDS CRAZY?
I DIDN'T SAY THAT. (laughs) HEY!
NO, BUT SERIOUSLY, I THINK-- I THINK THAT'S BRAVE.
YOU COULDN'T PAY ME ENOUGH TO GET UP IN FRONT OF PEOPLE
AND PERFORM. WHY?
OH, JUST A HORRIBLE,
SCARRING HIGH SCHOOL ROCK BAND EXPERIENCE.
OH, MY GOD. YOU WERE IN A BAND? WHAT DID YOU PLAY?
GUITAR... MM.
SORT OF. I THOUGHT I WAS REALLY GOOD.
I WAS REALLY BAD.
WHAT HAPPENED?
UM, I HAD TO WRITE THIS INCREDIBLY CHEESY SONG--
"CRASH AND BURN," IT WAS CALLED--
FOR THE BATTLE OF THE BANDS AT SCHOOL.
I WAS LAUGHED OFF THE STAGE. OH!
YOU WOULD HAVE LAUGHED, TOO, THOUGH,
ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAD SEEN MY HAIR.
(laughs) I WANT TO SEE A PICTURE.
NO, NO, NO, FORGET IT.
WOULDN'T WANT TO RUIN YOUR PERFECT IMAGE OF ME. TOO LATE.
(laughs) (laughs)
OKAY, MR. PRODIGY PIANO GUY...
(laughs) HOW'S THIS ONE?
(off-key) ♪ LA ♪
THAT WAS IT. THAT WAS IT. THAT WAS A PERFECT A-FLAT.
SHUT UP. YOU'RE A BAD LIAR.
NO, I'M NOT LYING. I'M STILL DEAF IN THIS EAR
FROM WHEN YOU DID YOUR C-SHARP. HEY!
I GUESS I SHOULD, UH, GET YOU A CAB.
OR I COULD COME UPSTAIRS
AND TAKE A PEEK AT YOUR NEW WALL COLOR.
HA HA HA HA. THAT'S FUNNY.
OH, WAIT, HERE COMES ONE. HEY, HEY, HEY, TAXI!
NO, MATT. I-I'M NOT EXPECTED HOME FOR A-AWHILE. HEY, HEY! NO, NO, COME ON, DON'T BE SILLY.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE COLD, ALL RIGHT? LET'S GET YOU IN. I'M NOT COLD. OH!
THERE YOU GO, ALL RIGHT? ALL RIGHT, I'LL CALL YOU LATER.
BYE! (Betty) UM...
(laughs) THAT GUY COULDN'T GET RID OF YOU FAST ENOUGH.
♪♪♪
THANKS, ARCHIE. THAT'S SWEET.
OKAY. TALK TO YOU LATER.
(scoffs) WHAT KIND OF A GUY CALLS AN HOUR AFTER A DATE
TO SAY HE HAD A GOOD TIME?
I THINK HE'S A LITTLE TOO INTO ME.
HE SPENT ALL NIGHT TOUCHING MY ARM
AND TRYING TO HOLD MY HAND.
AW, POOR HILDA. NICE GUY CAN'T KEEP HIS HANDS OFF OF YOU.
HOW AWFUL. EXCUSE ME. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
MY PROBLEM IS THAT YOU'VE BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT ARCHIE
SINCE THE TWO OF YOU STARTED SEEING EACH OTHER.
"HE'S SO INTO ME. HE CALLS JUST TO SAY NICE THINGS."
IF IT BOTHERS YOU THAT MUCH,
THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST BREAK UP WITH HIM?
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. I TRIED TO DO THE NICE GUY THING.
WHAT CAN I SAY? HE'S JUST NOT MY TYPE.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME ANYWAY?
I THOUGHT TONIGHT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE, LIKE, THE NIGHT.
WELL, APPARENTLY, IT WASN'T. (crunch)
WHAT HAPPENED?
NOTHING. NOTHING HAPPENED.
I TRIED TO MAKE IT VERY CLEAR THAT I WANTED TO STAY OVER,
AND HE JUST LAUGHED AND PUT ME IN A CAB.
WELL, MAYBE HE MISUNDERSTOOD YOUR SIGNALS.
YOU'RE VERY SUBTLE. THAT'S YOUR STYLE.
RULE NUMBER ONE-- NEVER BE SUBTLE.
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, I THINK SUBTLETY WORKS SOMETIMES.
YEAH, MAYBE A HUNDRED YEARS AGO IN, LIKE, THE 1950s.
BUT TRUST ME. THESE DAYS, BOLDER IS BETTER.
SO... WHAT, A GIRL'S JUST SUPPOSED
TO COME OUT AND SAY IT?
YOU KNOW, LIKE...
I WANT TO...
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, NOT EVERYBODY CAN DO THAT.
OH, MY GOD. STILL DRY IN BETTY COUNTY?
STILL NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, AMANDA.
EXACTLY. BETTY, IN HONOR OF US ONCE BEING ROOMMATES,
I AM GOING TO PERSONALLY TEACH YOU HOW TO BE SEXY...
OR, YOU KNOW, AS SEXY AS THIS CAN BE.
I WILL SHOW YOU SOME OF MY NO-FAIL MOVES.
ADMIT IT, BETTY,
YOU NEED A LITTLE HELP IN THIS DEPARTMENT.
IT'LL BE GREAT FOR OUR ARTICLE.
WELL...
WHOO! GET READY, BETTY!
'CAUSE THE SEX TRAIN IS A-COMIN'. MM-HMM.
(both cell phones ring)
(Amanda) UGH. HOW LAME.
HOW COOL! A POETRY SLAM!
YEP, MOLLY'S SUPER EXCITED, AND I'VE BEEN SO BUSY
TRYING TO KEEP THIS COMPANY TOGETHER...
I-I JUST REALLY WANT IT TO BE A BIG NIGHT FOR HER.
WELL, I'LL DEFINITELY BE THERE. I LOVE POETRY.
IT WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE CLASSES IN COLLEGE. REALLY?
YEAH. WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD READ THIS.
I MEAN, I THINK IT'S PRETTY GOOD,
ALTHOUGH I'M NOT MUCH OF A POETRY PERSON. "SOFTLY CARESSING WAVES." GOOD TITLE.
OH.
WOW.
"WOW" WHAT? "WOW" GOOD, OR "WOW" BAD?
JUST WOW. I AM IMPRESSED THAT MOLLY'S READING THIS.
IT'S VERY PERSONAL... AND INTIMATE.
IT IS? I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT THE OCEAN.
(chuckles) DANIEL, THE OCEAN IS A METAPHOR
FOR YOU AND HER
AND THE TWO OF YOU...
SOFTLY CARESSING...
WOW. I MEAN, I-I TOTALLY MISSED THAT.
ARE YOU SURE?
UH, PRETTY SURE.
"I LAY MY HEAD ON THE SOFT, PALE SAND,
BREATHING IN HIS SALTY SCENT."
IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE MY CHEST? MM-HMM.
AND I'M PRETTY SURE THAT THE "ROCK" IS YOUR HEAD.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S MY HEAD? 'CAUSE IT'S CRYING.
WAIT. WHAT? ROCK'S DON'T CRY.
(keys jangle)
WOW. IT'S SO WEIRD TO BE BACK HERE.
(door closes) I KNOW, RIGHT?
I MISS THE ME I WAS WITH US.
OKAY, WE'RE READY FOR OPERATION BETTY SEXIFICATION.
AMANDA, I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST GONNA BE US GIRLS.
IT IS. YOU CAN THANK US LATER BY TAKING US TO LUNCH.
UGH, THIS IS AN IMPOSSIBLE DEADLINE.
MATT'S GONNA BE HERE IN TWO HOURS.
GOD, WHERE DO WE EVEN BEGIN? LOOK AT HER.
MM. YEAH, THIS IS A TOUGHIE.
WE HAVE TO STAY CALM. MM-HMM.
THE KEY IS TO COME AT YOUR TARGET USING ALL SIX SENSES--
SOUND, SMELL, TASTE, TOUCH, SIGHT AND STYLE.
WELL, TECHNICALLY, STYLE IS-- SHH! WE HAVE TO WORK FAST AND FURIOUS
IF WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT IN TIME.
NOW PAY ATTENTION. FIRST SENSE--SOUND.
♪♪♪
NEXT SENSE--SMELL.
(inhales deeply)
AH-CHOO!
TASTE...
(Amanda) SHOW HIM YOUR LIPS ARE AVAILABLE
AND OPEN FOR BUSINESS.
MMM. HMM.
(woman singing in foreign language)
(Marc) EAT SLOWLY AND SEDUCTIVELY.
♪♪♪
TOUCH...
(Marc) IGNITE HIS PLEASURE CENTER
WITH A SOFT GRAZE.
OKAY.
(blows)
OKAY. NOPE. NO. THERE.
SIGHT AND STYLE.
AND NOW THE ART OF THE SEDUCTIVE HAIR FLICK.
♪♪♪
AH.
FLICK. FLICK. FLICK. FLICK. FLICK. FLICK. FLICK.
AND FLICK. AND TWEAK IT. OKAY. PUT THIS ON. NOW WHAT ABOUT THOSE BRACES?
CAN THOSE COME OFF? NO.
(scoffs) CAN WE AT LEAST LOSE THE GLASSES? I KIND OF NEED THEM TO SEE.
MY CONCERN IS WHAT HE'S GOING TO SEE.
OH, AND DON'T FORGET ABOUT THIS. A LADLE? WHAT'S THIS FOR?
YOU'LL KNOW WHEN THE TIME COMES.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS, BUT BETTY SUAREZ IS...
(singsong voice) GETTIN' SOME STRANGE TONIGHT. (chuckles)
HEY, THANKS, GUYS.
GO GET HIM, TIGER. (imitates tiger roar) (imitates tiger roar)
(man growling)
(growling continues)
(man grunts)
(grunts) WHERE DID IT GO?
WHERE ARE YOU?
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
I-I-I'M YOUR NEW NIGHT NANNY. THE NEW NIGHT NANNY?
WELL, WHAT WAS THAT GROWLING?
OH! OH, I-I WAS READING WILLIAM
"GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS."
I GUESS I GOT A LITTLE... (imitates bear growling)
CARRIED AWAY. I'M SORRY IF I WOKE YOU UP. (William coos)
I'M JAMES, BY THE WAY.
CARRY ON, JAMES.
(William cooing)
♪♪♪
(Archie) THIS PLACE IS EVEN BETTER THAN LAST NIGHT.
WE'LL HAVE TWO ORDERS OF THAT, PLEASE.
YOU HAVE GOTTA TRY THIS DISH. IT'S KILLER.
OKAY.
DON'T MOVE.
YOU JUST LOOK REALLY PRETTY IN THAT LIGHT.
OH, THANK YOU.
AND NOW YOU MOVED, AND IT'S GONE.
KIDDING. IT'S STILL ALL GOOD.
(man singing in foreign language)
LISTEN, ARCHIE, I THINK MAYBE--
(woman) ARCHIE?
ARCHIE! I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU! HOW ARE YOU?
I'M--I'M GOOD, REAL GOOD.
UH, HILDA, THIS IS FELISSA. SHE AND I USED TO BE NEIGHBORS.
OH, WELL, WE USED TO BE MORE THAN THAT.
BIGGEST MISTAKE I EVER MADE
WAS LETTING THIS ONE SLIP THROUGH MY FINGERS.
♪♪♪
I THOUGHT I'D TAKE A BREAK FROM MAKING FLASH CARDS
AND SEDUCE YOU.
OH, MY GOD, I LOVE YOUR CHEST.
IT'S SO WARM AND COZY.
SO I FINALLY HAD A CHANCE TO READ YOUR POEM.
YOU DID?
YEAH. WHAT DID YOU THINK?
YEAH, IT'S GREAT.
UH, I HAD SOME THOUGHTS, YOU KNOW,
FROM AN EDITORIAL PERSPECTIVE, IF YOU WANT.
THAT WOULD BE GREAT. I WOULD LOVE YOUR PROFESSIONAL OPINION.
I'LL GO GRAB IT. I GOT IT RIGHT HERE.
WOW. YOU MADE A LOT OF NOTES.
NO, NO, I JUST KIND OF JOTTED DOWN SOME IDEAS.
LIKE, UM, INSTEAD OF, UH, SOFTLY CARESSING,
MAYBE THE WAVES SHOULD BE HARD AND CRASHING.
AND, UM, SHOULD THIS ROCK REALLY SPROUT TEARS?
IT... SEEMS EXAGGERATED.
I MEAN, I WOULD BUY IT IF THE ROCK
MAYBE SHED A SINGLE TEAR ONCE.
OR YOU COULD JUST LOSE THE IMAGE ALTOGETHER.
OKAY. YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT THIS IS REALLY ABOUT?
I KNOW THIS POEM IS ABOUT US, YOU KNOW...
HAVING SEX.
YEAH.
SO...
SO YOU'RE GONNA READ THIS IN PUBLIC,
ALL RIGHT, IN FRONT OF PEOPLE I WORK WITH.
IT'S EMBARRASSING.
I SEE.
MM-HMM.
WELL, THE LAST THING I WANTED TO DO IS EMBARRASS YOU.
MOLLY, COME ON. NO, IT'S FINE. I'LL JUST READ SOMETHING ELSE.
I SHOULD GET BACK TO WORK.
(sighs)
(Felissa and Archie laugh)
(Felissa) YOU ALWAYS DID KNOW HOW TO MAKE ME LAUGH.
I SWEAR, THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I EVER MADE
WAS LETTING THIS GUY SLIP THROUGH MY FINGERS.
YEAH. YOU MENTIONED THAT.
UH, FELISSA, MAYBE WE SHOULD, UH, GET STARTED ON OUR FOOD
BEFORE IT GETS COLD. OH, MY GOD. I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE. WHAT A JERK!
IT WAS SO NICE MEETING YOU.
YEAH, YOU, TOO. CALL ME, SUGAR.
♪♪♪
I'M SORRY. FELISSA'S A BIT OF A TALKER.
I KNOW!
I WAS LIKE, "HELLO! WE'RE ON A DATE HERE."
(chuckles)
♪♪♪
(knock on door)
(Betty) COME IN!
(slow, sexy music playing)
HELLO? OH, HEY, MATT, I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.
I'M JUST CHANGING OUT OF MY WORK CLOTHES. OKAY.
WOW, THIS PLACE IS COOL. NOW I CAN SEE WHY
YOU WERE SO BUMMED OUT WHEN YOU HAD TO GIVE IT UP.
UH, YOU KNOW, WE SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING
IF WE'RE GONNA MAKE THAT MOVIE.
♪♪♪
WHAT'S YOUR HURRY, SOLDIER?
WOW. YOU LOOK GREAT.
BUT THE MOVIE STARTS IN, LIKE, 20 MINUTES.
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET DRESSED.
ACTUALLY, UM, I WAS THINKING... (chuckles)
MAYBE WE COULD JUST STAY IN TONIGHT...
AND... RELAX.
♪♪♪
OH, I MADE MOJITOS.
WANT ONE?
UH, I, UM...
I'M NOT REALLY A MOJITO KINDA GUY.
OH, OKAY.
WELL, THEN WE COULD JUST GET COMFORTABLE.
UH...
OH! (grunts)
OH!
AND SIT. (chuckles) WE COULD SIT.
OH...
OOH.
LOOK WHAT YOU FOUND. (chuckles)
♪♪♪
(sneezes) OH.
OH, SORRY. HERE.
WE SHOULD PROBABLY JUST GO TO THAT MOVIE.
OR WE COULD...
STAY HERE AND, YOU KNOW,
BE TOGETHER.
♪♪♪
OKAY, BETTY, I... I CAN'T, UH, DO THIS.
I...
MATT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
BETTY, I'M--I'M SORRY.
IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S ME.
(door closes)
♪♪♪
WOW. THAT WAS... WOW.
I KNOW. I DID NOT EXPECT THAT TO HAPPEN.
ME NEITHER. I... (chuckles)
TO BE HONEST, I ACTUALLY THOUGHT
YOU WERE GONNA BREAK UP WITH ME. (laughs)
I TOTALLY WAS! (laughs)
(laughs) YOU WERE?
YEAH. IF FELISSA HADN'T STOPPED BY AND INTERRUPTED ME,
THIS EVENING WOULD HAVE GONE A HELL OF A LOT DIFFERENTLY.
SO WHAT MADE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?
HUH?
UGH. I DON'T KNOW.
YOU WEREN'T EVEN GONNA GIVE ME A CHANCE
TILL YOU SAW ANOTHER WOMAN WAS INTO ME?
WHAT? THAT IS NOT TRUE.
OKAY. ALL RIGHT. WELL, MAYBE IT IS A LITTLE BIT TRUE,
BUT USUALLY I GO FOR A DIFFERENT KIND OF GUY, YOU KNOW?
RIGHT. SO DO I NEED FELISSA TO INTERRUPT EVERY DATE
TO GET YOU IN THE MOOD?
'CAUSE THAT WOULD BE, YOU KNOW, PRETTY COMPLICATED FOREPLAY.
NO. BUT A LITTLE TATTOO ON YOUR BUTT?
IT WOULDN'T HURT. (laughs)
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA GO.
OW!
EXCUSE ME. WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE?
THANKS FOR A MEMORABLE NIGHT.
I WAS JUST KIDDING!
(scoffs)
SO THAT IS YOUR IDEA
OF A QUALIFIED CHILD-CARE PROFESSIONAL?
OH, MY GOD. HE IS COMPLETELY QUALIFIED.
HE'S A FORMER MODEL, AND HE'S DONE DIAPER COMMERCIALS.
OKAY, HONESTLY, I THOUGHT
THAT MANNY POPPINS MIGHT HELP YOU GET YOUR GROOVE BACK,
YOU KNOW, SO THAT YOU CAN SLEEP BETTER.
WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING? MY GROOVE IS PERFECTLY FINE.
WILLIE, I KEEP YOUR APPOINTMENTS, REMEMBER?
AND I HAVEN'T SCHEDULED YOU
FOR ONE OF YOUR WEEKLY "CAR WASHES"
SINCE BEFORE CONNOR.
AND... I JUST THOUGHT THAT JAMES
COULD WASH YOUR CAR FOR YOU. THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
OH, COME ON, HE IS TOTALLY HOT. HE LOOKS LIKE TAYE DIGGS.
WHAT IS IT WITH WHITE PEOPLE AND TAYE DIGGS?
OKAY, FINE. I WILL CALL ANOTHER NANNY.
OH, WAIT.
HE DOES ALREADY KNOW THE APARTMENT,
SO, UM, HE CAN STAY...
FOR NOW. OKAY.
OH, AND, UH, BOOK ME A BRAZILIAN WITH JOHNNY.
OH, OH. COMPLETELY UNRELATED.
(Betty) IT WENT HORRIBLY.
WHAT? OUR MOVES DIDN'T WORK? IMPOSSIBLE.
THOSE MOVES ARE PATENTED. YOU MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG.
DID YOU DO THE HAIR FLIP? OR USE THE LADLE?
GUYS, DON'T WORRY. IT WASN'T YOUR MOVES. IT WAS ME.
THE WHOLE NIGHT WAS A DISASTER.
I PRACTICALLY THREW MYSELF AT HIM, AND HE RAN OUT THE DOOR.
RUNNING AWAY FROM A GIRL, SCREAMING?
THAT SOUNDS LIKE MY PROM NIGHT.
OH, MY GOD. HE'S GAY. OR A VIRGIN.
OR A WOMAN. MM, THAT FEELS RIGHT.
WELL, I JUST-- I WANNA TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT,
BUT I CAN'T, BECAUSE HE JUST TEXTED ME,
AND HE'S WORKING THROUGH LUNCH. UM, THAT DOES NOT FLY WITH ME.
IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD MARCH OVER TO HIS OFFICE RIGHT NOW
AND GIVE HIM A PIECE OF MY MIND. OH, BETTY'S NOT THE TYPE TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GOING TO. WOW! AREN'T YOU FULL OF SURPRISES?
(elevator bell dings) I JUST-- I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER SECOND
OF REPLAYING LAST NIGHT IN MY HEAD.
I'LL GO NUTS. I JUST NEED TO TALK TO HIM.
RIGHT AFTER YOU BUY US LUNCH.
MM. (elevator bell dings)
THAT'S MATT'S BUILDING.
I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA SAY TO HIM.
WHAT AM I GONNA SAY TO HIM? UH, WELL, YOU BETTER THINK FAST,
BECAUSE RICHIE RICH JUST LEFT THE BUILDING. (gasps)
(gasps) OH! (Betty) OH, AMANDA!
(Marc) MM. SOMEONE'S NOT WORKING THROUGH LUNCH.
YOU SHOULD FOLLOW HIM.
NO. GUYS, I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT.
WELL, IF YOU DON'T, THEN WE WILL. YEAH.
NO. NO. AMANDA! MARC!
(sighs) OH, GOD.
♪♪♪
HE'S GONNA SEE YOU GUYS. SLOW DOWN.
(Betty) OH, GOD.
♪♪♪
(lowered voice) GUYS, THIS IS SO STUPID.
WHY ARE WE DOING THIS? I KNOW.
I JUST WANT TO FINISH THIS EPISODE OF "MEX IN THE CITY"
AND GET SOMETHING TO EAT. MY STOMACH IS EATING ITSELF.
THE BAGEL HAS LANDED.
HEY.
(gasps) (gasps) OH, MY GOD.
HE IS TOTALLY TWO-TIMING YOU.
(Betty) THERE'S GOTTA BE AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS.
UGH. LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD. I'M STARVING.
AAH!
BETTY?
BETTY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
(Marc) OH, I THINK IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
MATT.
HEY.
HI. (chuckles)
I DIDN'T MEAN TO FOLLOW YOU.
I'M JUST STILL A LITTLE CONFUSED ABOUT LAST NIGHT,
AND... IF YOU'RE WITH HER, THAT'S FINE.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT FINE, BUT...
OH, GOD. I WISH I WASN'T HERE RIGHT NOW.
I'M HELEN. MY THERAPIST.
WHY DON'T YOU JOIN US?
BETTY, SORRY I SAID I HAVE TO WORK THROUGH LUNCH.
I JUST NEEDED TO SEE HELEN.
I DON'T--I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY.
YOU CAN SAY OR NOT SAY
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY...
OR NOT SAY.
OKAY.
SO, UM...
ABOUT LAST NIGHT...
LOOK, MATT, IT WAS MY FAULT.
I WAS TRYING TO PUSH YOU INTO DOING SOMETHING
YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T WANT TO DO, SO-- NO, NO, NO, NO. THAT'S--THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL.
MATT, IT'S FINE. JUST TELL ME IF YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTED TO ME
OR IF YOU'D RATHER JUST STAY FRIENDS.
NO, I AM ATTRACTED TO YOU. WELL, THEN WHAT IS IT?
OH, GOD, THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
WHY?
(clicks tongue) WELL...
OH.
ARE YOU A VIRGIN?
THAT'S OKAY. I DON'T REALLY HAVE THAT MUCH EXPERIENCE EITHER.
NO, NO, I'VE--I'VE-- I'VE BEEN WITH WOMEN.
KIND OF...
A LOT OF WOMEN.
I MEAN, REALLY A LOT.
WOW.
LOOK, LOOK, I KNOW THIS MUST SOUND WEIRD.
IT'S JUST--I'VE BEEN KIND OF LONELY MY WHOLE LIFE.
IN THE PAST, MATT HAS USED SEX AS A WAY TO CONNECT TO PEOPLE.
SO I MADE A-A CONTRACT WITH HELEN
THAT I WOULDN'T BE WITH SOMEONE
UNTIL I REALLY CONNECTED WITH THEM FIRST.
AND THEN... THIS AMAZING THING HAPPENED.
I MET YOU, AND I-I STARTED HAVING ALL THESE FEELINGS.
AND THEN WHEN THE SEX CAME UP,
I GUESS I JUST--I JUST PANICKED.
AND HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW?
CALM. I FEEL CALM.
GOOD. I'M JUST SO GLAD IT'S OUT IN THE OPEN.
AND, BETTY? HOW DO YOU FEEL?
GREAT.
I FEEL...
(elevator bell dings) STRANGE.
MATT'S BEEN WITH HUNDREDS OF WOMEN?
WELL, HE DIDN'T SAY "HUNDREDS,"
BUT HE'S DEFINITELY POINTING IN THAT DIRECTION.
MAN, WHAT A DOG.
NOT REALLY HELPING YOU.
NO, YOU'RE NOT. CAN WE CHANGE THE SUBJECT?
YOU'RE CAR IS COMING TO PICK YOU UP
TO TAKE YOU STRAIGHT TO THE POETRY CLUB FROM HERE. GREAT. YOU'RE COMING, RIGHT?
YEAH. YEP. I'LL BE THERE.
I'M EXCITED TO HEAR MOLLY READ HER POEM. OH, SHE'S NOT GONNA READ THAT ONE ANYMORE.
WHY? IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. I ASKED HER NOT TO.
WHAT? WELL, YOU SAW WHAT IT WAS ABOUT.
I CAN'T EXACTLY HAVE HER READING STUFF ABOUT OUR SEX LIFE
IN FRONT OF EVERYONE I WORK WITH. DANIEL, SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU,
BUT YOUR SEX LIFE HAS KINDA BEEN ON DISPLAY FOR YEARS. OH, COME ON. THAT'S DIFFERENT.
WHY? BECAUSE YOU DON'T MIND PEOPLE KNOWING
THAT YOU'RE A PLAYBOY, BUT YOU DON'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW
THAT YOU CRY WHEN YOU'RE WITH THE WOMAN YOU LOVE? OKAY, YOU ARE MAKING ME SOUND LIKE AN ASS.
WELL, YOU KIND OF ARE.
I'M SORRY, BUT MOLLY'S SICK,
AND SHE WROTE A POEM ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE LOVES YOU.
AND SHE'S BRAVE ENOUGH TO STAND UP IN FRONT OF STRANGERS
AND SAY THAT.
YOU CAN BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO LET HER.
(sighs)
SO WE TALKED IT THROUGH, AND ARCHIE'S COMING OVER.
HILDA, YOU CALLED A GUY BACK AND APOLOGIZED?
WOW. YOU MUST REALLY LIKE THIS ARCHIE.
I KNOW!
SOMETHING HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.
IT'S LIKE WE REALLY... WE REALLY CONNECTED, YOU KNOW?
AND THEN WE DIDN'T DISCONNECT FOR, LIKE, AN HOUR.
(chuckles)
COULD WE MAYBE NOT TALK ABOUT SEX TONIGHT?
OH, HONEY, YOU AND MATT-- YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.
I DON'T KNOW, HILDA.
I MEAN, A COUPLE DAYS AGO, I WAS READY TO SPEND THE NIGHT.
AND NOW I HOPE IT DOESN'T EVEN COME UP.
HONEY, HE TALKS TO HIS SHRINK ABOUT YOU.
OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO HIM.
IT'S JUST COMPLICATED. NOW I'M ONE OF HUNDREDS.
I DON'T FEEL VERY SPECIAL. UGH. WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT
IF ALL OF LIFE'S PROBLEMS COULD BE SOLVED WITH GOOD HAIR?
ALL RIGHT, COVER UP. (doorbell rings)
(singsong voice) THAT MUST BE ARCHIE.
(normal voice) COME IN!
(door opens)
FELISSA. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I CAME TO TELL YOU TO BACK OFF MY MAN.
EXCUSE ME?
I DECIDED I WANT ARCHIE BACK.
OH. HUH. SORRY. YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM.
NO OFFENSE, BUT YOU CAN'T STOP ME.
ARCHIE LOVES HIM SOME VANILLA ICE CREAM.
OKAY, UH, YOU KNOW, MAYBE-- (chuckles) WELL, NO OFFENSE,
BUT I DON'T THINK ARCHIE'S GONNA GO BACK TO VANILLA
WHEN HE HAS TASTED HOT, MELTED CARAMEL SURPRISE.
WHAT'S THE SURPRISE, YOUR FAT ASS?
OH, NO, YOU DID NOT. OH, NO, YOU-- NO. NO, NO, NO, NO. HILDA, HILDA. SHE DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
OH, YES, I DID, AND I ALSO MEANT TO DO THIS.
AAH! (Hilda gasps)
OOH, BITCH! HUH? HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
I HOPE YOU LIKE EGGS,
'CAUSE YOUR HEAD'S ABOUT TO LOOK LIKE ONE. NO. NO! HILDA!
THAT'S ALL YOU GOT? AT LEAST LET ME GET HER EYEBROW.
YOU'RE GONNA HURT SOMEBODY. STOP. (blow-dryer whirring)
(Betty) STOP! ARE YOU CRAZY?! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
(camera shutter clicks)
(William fusses)
MM, IT'S A LITTLE CHILLY IN HERE.
DO YOU MIND IF I, UM, START A FIRE? SURE.
MM. (click)
(Steely Dan's "Black Cow" playing)
MMM.
(chuckles)
OKAY.
(coos)
♪ IN THE CORNER OF MY EYE ♪
OH. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE
A LITTLE SOMETHING ON YOUR SHIRT.
OH. I GUESS THE BABY SPIT UP A LITTLE.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL. OH, NONSENSE. LET ME WASH IT.
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO DO A LOAD OF LAUNDRY.
OKAY. (chuckles)
♪ ON THE COUNTER ♪
♪ BY YOUR KEYS ♪
♪ WAS A BOOK OF NUMBERS AND YOUR REMEDIES ♪
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME. THANK YOU.
♪ ...SURELY WILL SCREEN OUT THE SORROW ♪
♪ BUT WHERE ARE YOU ♪
♪ TOMORROW? ♪
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
HEY. HEY.
I'M--I'M REALLY GLAD THAT WE TALKED WITH HELEN TODAY.
I MEAN, IT--IT WAS WEIRD, BUT I'M GLAD.
YEAH. YEP, ME, TOO.
(indistinct conversations)
WHO'S THAT?
OH, UH, SHE WORKS AT A COFFEE SHOP NEAR MY APARTMENT.
HEY. HEY. IT'S THE ONLY PLACE I KNOW HER FROM,
JUST IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING.
WHAT? NO. NO, I-I WASN'T WONDERING ANYTHING.
(gulps)
YOUR SHIRT WILL BE DONE SOON,
SO, UH, IN THE MEANTIME... (James) ♪ YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE ♪
WHY DON'T WE, UH...
♪ MY ONLY SUNSHINE ♪
♪ YOU MAKE ME HAPPY ♪
(Connor) ♪ WHEN SKIES ARE GRAY ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, DEAR ♪
♪ HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU ♪ (sniffles)
ARE YOU OKAY?
(voice breaks) I'M FINE.
(sobs)
AND THERE I SIT,
WRAPPED OH, SO TIGHT AGAINST THE NIGHT,
IN MY...
INSECURITY...
BLANKET.
MOLLY?
HEY. I AM SO SORRY ABOUT WHAT I SAID BEFORE.
THIS POEM YOU WROTE IS BEAUTIFUL AND IT'S TOUCHING,
AND... I'D BE SO PROUD TO HEAR YOU READ IT TONIGHT.
YOU WOULD?
(man) MOLLY, YOU'RE UP.
MM! GET 'EM. TAKE IT.
OH! OKAY!
(crying) I'M JUST SO ANGRY AT MYSELF.
I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE LET CONNOR IN.
IT WENT AGAINST EVERY INSTINCT I HAD.
NOW I CAN'T GET HIS STUPID FACE OUT OF MY DREAMS.
SHH. SHH. SHH. SHH.
OH.
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT. LET IT OUT.
I DON'T WANT TO LET IT OUT.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX. (sobs)
UH... I DIDN'T--I DIDN'T--
OH, JUST TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF.
I DON'T THINK WHAT YOU NEED IS SEX.
WHAT I THINK YOU NEED IS TO FIND A WAY
TO CLOSE THE DOOR ON THIS CONNOR GUY
AND FOCUS ON YOUR BABY.
(sniffles)
WELL, THANK YOU, JAMES.
(sniffles) I...
I THINK YOU REALLY HELPED ME.
AND SINCE WE WON'T BE HAVING SEX,
NOW YOU'RE FIRED.
GET OUT. CAN I GET MY--
OUT. OH.
(cheering)
WHOO! (whistles)
WHOO!
(laughs)
OKAY, GOOD JOB, MOLLY. KEVIN, YOU'RE UP NEXT.
THANKS, GUYS. OH, GREAT. THANK YOU.
(whispers indistinctly)
(indistinct conversations)
BETTY. BETTY, ARE YOU OKAY?
UM, SORRY. UH...
I'M GONNA GO SAY BYE TO DANIEL.
DID YOU FINALLY GET RID OF HER?
WHEW. YEAH, AND DON'T WORRY,
FELISSA WON'T BOTHER YOU ANYMORE. I PROMISE.
OH, I KNOW.
SO... WH-WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
YESTERDAY YOU'RE NOT INTO ME,
AND TODAY YOU'RE FIGHTING FOR ME.
I THOUGHT I WASN'T YOUR TYPE. OKAY, I KNOW IT WAS A REALLY DUMB THING TO SAY,
ESPECIALLY SINCE MY TYPE
HASN'T REALLY WORKED OUT FOR ME SO WELL.
I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE,
YOU KNOW, WITH A NICE GUY.
HILDA, I LIKE YOU.
BUT I'M STARTING TO WORRY I HAVE A TYPE, TOO.
I THINK I SORTA GO FOR THE BAD GIRLS.
(laughs) YOU THINK I'M A BAD GIRL?
(laughs)
WELL, MAYBE I'M A LITTLE BAD,
BUT YOU LOVED IT.
TWO GIRLS GOING AT IT OVER YOU?
PLEASE. I'M A GROWN MAN.
I HARDLY THINK I NEED TO GET MY THRILLS OUT OF-- YOU LOVED IT.
YEAH, I KNOW. IT WAS REALLY HOT. (laughs)
(laughs)
SO WHAT ARE WE SAYING? WE GIVING THIS ANOTHER CHANCE?
YEAH.
OH, AND, UH, BY THE WAY,
I'M NOT ALWAYS SUCH A NICE GUY.
(chuckles) I KNOW.
WE'RE HOME!
OH, MY GOD.
I'M GONNA START WEARING A BELL.
I LIKED MOLLY'S POEM.
YEAH.
DOES DANIEL CRY AT WORK, TOO?
NOT EVERY DAY.
SO I GUESS I SHOULD GET A CAB. WAIT. UH, WAIT. BETTY, WAIT.
I WAS THINKING MAYBE YOU COULD COME BACK TO MY PLACE,
SEE MY NEW WALL COLOR.
I MEAN, IF YOU WANT.
MATT, I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE FREAKED OUT.
YEAH.
(sighs)
I JUST-- I WANT IT TO BE SPECIAL,
AND I'M SORRY,
BUT RIGHT NOW, I JUST-- I FEEL LIKE A NUMBER.
YOU ARE--NUMBER ONE.
COME ON, MATT. I'M SERIOUS.
NO, SO AM I.
BETTY, THIS WILL BE THE FIRST TIME
THAT I HAVE EVER BEEN WITH A WOMAN
I REALLY CARE ABOUT.
SO TECHNICALLY, YOU ARE MY FIRST.
AW.
THAT'S SO CORNY...
AND SWEET.
(laughs)
NOW I'M MAKING MYSELF NERVOUS. MY HANDS ARE SHAKING.
NO. DON'T WORRY. SO ARE MINE.
(laughs)
(guitar chord plays)
THIS ONE GOES OUT TO THE WOMAN I LOVE.
A CLASSIC FROM MY HIGH SCHOOL BATTLE OF THE BANDS.
(playing ballad)
♪ WE'RE DRIVING DOWN THE HIGHWAY ♪
♪ COOL WIND IN MY HAIR ♪
♪ JUST ME AND MY SPECIAL LADY ♪
♪ WE HAVEN'T GOT A CARE ♪
♪ IN THE WORLD ♪
♪ BUT THE ROAD AHEAD'S UNCERTAIN ♪
♪ THERE'LL BE BUMPS ALONG THE WAY ♪
♪ AND I KNOW THERE'LL BE SOME HURTIN' ♪
♪ SO I HIT THE GAS ♪
♪ AND PRAY ♪
♪ WELL, I DON'T WANNA CRASH AND BURN ♪
♪ DON'T WANNA GO TOO FAST ♪
♪ I WANNA BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ WANNA SEE THIS THROUGH ♪
♪ I DON'T WANNA CRASH AND BURN ♪
♪ DON'T WANNA GO TOO FAST ♪
♪ I WANT TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ WANNA MAKE THIS LAST FOREVER ♪
♪ AND EVER, MY LADY ♪